


A World Of Our Making

by Chatartic_Chaos



Category: Tales of Xillia
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Sex, Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Plot With Porn, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-09
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2020-08-13 11:00:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20173147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chatartic_Chaos/pseuds/Chatartic_Chaos
Summary: The moment Julius woke up without the black mark that covered his hand, he thought it was dream“Hmm? What’s wrong? I thought you don’t have work this morning”. A sleepy voice beside him and he felt a hand slide itself on his waist. He turned around, trapped between expectation and a little sense of dreadThe moment Julius saw Ludger sleeping naked beside him, he was convinced that this was not a dreamIt’s something so much worseHe has unknowingly became a catalyst and now he’s trapped inside his fractured worldBecause no way… and no way that this could be the reality.





	1. The Future I Wish Will Never Come

The moment Julius woke up without the black mark that covered his hand, he thought it was dream

“Hmm? What’s wrong? I thought you don’t have work this morning”. A sleepy voice beside him and he felt a hand slide itself on his waist. He turned around, trapped between expectation and a little sense of dread

The moment Julius saw Ludger sleeping naked beside him, he was convinced that this was not a dream

_It’s something so much worse_

_He already became a catalyst and now he’s inside his fractured world_

_Because no way… and no way that this could be the reality._

His voice stuttered, “I-I guess I don’t?"

Ludger just hummed sleepily beside him, “then go back to sleep, it’s your days off once in a while.”

Julius hummed but not getting back to bed. He sat up still and think. _Does he and Ludger lovers here? Weren’t they brothers? What happened?_

Feeling like the other occupant isn’t going to bed soon, Ludger stirs awake and sat up, the blanket fell to his lap and reveal the trails of love bites all over his neck

Julius saw the marks with embarrassment and a little bit of pride yet the dread feeling inside him also seems to grow. _Were they really lover? What would happen if anyone saw that? Did he really do that to Ludger?_

Ludger rubbed his sleepy eyes, “Can’t sleep?”

Julius nodded, giving him a smile.

Ludger took out his GHS and look at the clock, “well you’re always the early one”. He get off the bed and pick up his clothes, which were sprawled all over the floor along with Julius' clothes. “Come on, I’ll make you some coffee”

“Is it okay, aren’t you sleepy?” A silly question Julius knows it. But the situation overwhelmed him more than it should be

“You’re not going to back to sleep either way right? Might as well. Come on, I have a few hours before my shift start.” With that Ludger went to the kitchen. Julius follow behind him.

Ludger started to make the coffee and Julius stride to the table, his eyes doesn’t leave Ludger's back he’s looking at the love bites that peeked out of the man's collar.

Ludger embraces himself in the sight of his lover, crooking his neck so the mark looked more visible to anyone

Julius clears his throat, “so... works... How's works?”

“Fine” Ludger hummed

“At Spirius?”

Ludger stopped, retracting his hand that hovered right above the coffee beans and turned around, a confused looks in his face. “At the station” he pointed, “you’re the one who works at Spirius.”

"Oh yeah... right... my bad" Julius awkwardly scratched the back of his neck. So in this world nothing ever happened then? He didn’t know if he should be relieved or what. The Ludger here never had to face anything related to Spirius, never had to stain his hand by killing innocent people on the fractured dimension. His baby brother Ludger.

Julius’ snapped back to reality when Ludger put a plate of tomato omelette in front of him, “Thanks” Julius pick up a spoon and started to dig in.

Ludger strode and sat across him, eye trained on Julius looking every inch of his body before he snapped, “Okay, What happened?” Ludger put his arm on his waist, “you’re acting weird.”

“Am I?”

"You’re not commenting me on this" he pointed at the marks all over his neck, "and you’re not complaining that your breakfast didn’t have tomatoes in it"

Julius looked surprised. He scrambled through his breakfast and indeed as Ludger says, there’s no tomatoes in it. _How could he not notice? _And damn how sharp his baby brother is. Julius think he could fake it off for a few days at least. But he just have to realise it.

With a heavy sigh Julius admitted, "It seems my memory has been failing me lately" he tried to lay it off as soft as possible

Ludger's eyes turned to concern, "since when?"

Julius' eyes trailed into Ludger's neck, or more likely to the love bites that Ludger claimed was his doing, "for example, last night" forgetting one night is better than forgetting your whole life here

“You can’t remember what happened last night?” His face turned into disbelief, “I can’t believe you” he sounded perplexed

“Sorry” Julius didn’t know how to explain it. How could he explained about the fractured dimension and his role as the catalyst of this dimension?

But before Julius could explained anything Ludger cut him off, “That’s it, no more whiskey before sex for you mister”

Julius frowned, “whiskey?”

“You brought home a bottle of whiskey from your workplace yesterday to celebrate your promotion as the vice president of the Spirius. We thought it’ll liven things a bit so we drank it all last night.” Ludger pointed at the empty bottle by the couch. “I couldn’t say it was bad, I think it was great" now Julius doesn’t know if he’s talking about the wine before sex or the sex itself, “but if you ends up forgetting in the morning then I’d rather not have it again" he frowned at him clearly disappointed

Julius sighed and leaned back to his seat. So that’s how it gonna be? Sure it save the effort to explain things that this Ludger might not understand. Julius was more than happy to sweep it all under the rug. The knowledge about fractured dimensions and divergence catalyst, this Ludger didn’t have to know any of it. He was more than happy to bury the truth. After all, he can only enjoy this world until his Ludger-the prime Ludger- came and destroy the catalyst- himself-. Julius smiled at him, “if that’s your wish Ludger”

Ludger face fell into a concerned looks. He walked toward him and without hesitation sat on Julius' lap. He took Julius' chin with his fingers and leaned forward closing his eyes

And that’s all it took for Julius' threshold to shatter. He leaned closer and kissed him deeply, embracing the soft sensation of Ludger’s lips. Ludger hummed into the kiss, enjoying the kiss.

Everything... _everything_ that Julius had ever wanted, he could get it here. In this dimension where Ludger accepted him. He knew that someday the real Ludger would came here and kill him, the catalyst.

He wonder what would he think when he saw that his brother were wishing for him all this time, would he be disgusted? If so, Julius could only wish that it would make it easier for Ludger to kill him later.

Ludger broke off the kiss, breathing uneven as he catch up with his breath. A trail of saliva connecting their red lips, “you’re spacing out” he pouted

“Sorry, I was thinking about you.” His Ludger, not his twisted version of him. Ludger would never accept him, this Ludger in front of him is just a sick creation of his twisted desire.

“About me?”

Julius hummed and reach out his hand and cupped his cheek, “l was thinking about how I love you so much.”

_I love you Ludger that much is true._

He could bear Ludger hating him because he can’t accept his love. But he thinks he wouldn’t be able to bear it if Ludger ever denied his love.

_I love you Ludger, so much that it hurts. I wanted to touch you in no way a brother ever should. I couldn't bear losing you_.

Ludger smiled and started to kiss him again. This time Julius embraced everything for the kiss. He would accept this Ludger even if he's not the one he wanted. He'd accept this Ludger even if this Ludger was just some sick miscreant from a fractioned dimension.

_Because after all, this Ludger is also a Ludger..._

Ludger put his hand on Julius' chest and broke off the kiss, “well someone's eager today.”

Julius captured his hand with his own and stared teasingly at him, "I don’t know... maybe you can remind me of what happened last night?"

Ludger's cheek flushed red immediately. "It's... it’s not bad" he looked away from Julius, burying his face on his brother's chest

Julius hummed and kiss at the nape of Ludger's neck, "you said it was great", he landed another kiss, "which part of it?"

"Which... "Ludger's mind goes overdrive as he recalled last night events, "everything... I guess" his voice small almost a whisper but Julius heard it and he teased him again.

"Everything?"

Ludger blushed even harder, “I mean... you were so... it looks like you're not holding anything back against me.”

Julius hummed again, “so you said you love me rough?” His voice musky and vibrating against Ludger's neck.

“I said it's nice... once in a while..." he wouldn’t admit it but he loves everything that happened last night.

Just when Julius about to move in and continue to kiss him, Ludger's finger pressed against his lips softly. Julius opened his eyes questioningly.

“I still have my shift today. Guess what?” He shifted in Julius' lap. “My shift ends in the afternoon and maybe”. His fingers trailed from Julius' chest up to his collarbone, “Maybe we can continue where we left off yesterday.”

Julius leaned again and captured Ludger's lips in one chaste kiss, “Fine then. After work”

Ludger nodded, “after work” he get off Julius and sit in his own seat.

~***~

Julius walked Ludger to the station even when Ludger insisted that he should be resting back home. Julius denied and said that he's going to spend the rest of the day walking around the town

If he's this dimension catalyst, he should get used to his world right?

Finally Ludger caved in and give Julius his coat before they exited the apartment. Ludger’s hand intertwined with his and Ludger keeps leaning his way during the whole trips. If he was in the prime dimensions he could already imagine the judging and punishment that he will received just by declaring his love to Ludger.

“What’s wrong?” Ludger asked when Julius won’t stop looking around

“It’s nothing. I’m just thinking why no one seems to mind when we walk like this”

“Why should they mind? We’re lovers” he tilted his head

“We’re also brother Ludger”

Ludger raised his eyebrows, “So what? Is it wrong for us to love each other?”

_It’s wrong to love your brother with this kind of love._

But Julius just shook his head, “It’s nothing” It seems like this world doesn’t question their love either. What a convenient dimension he has created.

They arrived at the station and after giving Julius a peck on his cheek Ludger went inside the restaurant.

Walking around the town he’s convinced that this is certainly not his dimension. Nope. Certainly not.

Especially not when he met Victor in the street, his hand holding Elle tightly as they walk past him, unrecognising. Julius has met him in one of the fractured dimensions of course, he also knew that victor was Ludger- or more exactly the future version of him-. That’s why as soon as he saw him Julius decides to hide, slipping himself into one of the nearby alley and watch as a door crashed open and a man was shoved out of the door by what looked like his friend, even when the man cry and beg his friend didn’t listen and close the door on him.

“Daddy, that man looks nice. Why are the people being mean to him?” This world Elle asked.

Victor kneeled by her side and looked her right in the eyes, “Because sometimes people only sees what they wanted to see.”

And Julius’ breath shook. He looked at his untainted gloveless hand. Is that what he's talking about? The reason why he could no longer see the stain in his hand is because he himself doesn’t want to see it? It’s logical, after all here-in his perfect world-, he didn’t need a reminder for his impending death.

“You see, his friend was convinced that the man is bad, that why every time the man does something good they’ll turn a blind eyes on him.”

“But it’s so sad.”

“Indeed it is.” Victor paused, “To see the world with half the vision. Isn’t it sad… Julius?”

Julius gasped and he come out of his hiding but Victor and Elle is already gone. He spent almost half an hour scouring through the market but there’s no trace of them. That was weird Julius noted to himself.

He kept tabs of Ludger’s friend on the real world, that’s why he spent the days searching for their whereabouts and their connection to them. Turns out they have never met at all. Though Jude Mathis and Leia are staying in Elympios, the rest of the gang stay back in Rieze Maxian except Rowen and Alvin who spent their times between two countries. The only one who have connection to him is Vera and her twin Nova. Except the anomaly that he had when he encountered Victor and Elle, everything is normal

He decided to drop off the office. Nova was surprised and asked him if there’s anything wrong. Julius had to calmed her down and ensured her that nothing is wrong, he just decided to drop by the office during his days off, what’s so wrong with that? After convincing her, Julius decided to get into his office and rummage for information. By the notes on his works it seems like Spirius was just an ordinary corporation with no relation to the fractured dimensions or whatsoever.

This dimension is too good to be true. He didn’t have a curse staining his hand, Ludger and he are lover, and his job is disturbingly clean without any connection to the fractured world. That only convince him that this is indeed his dimensions. After all who could wish for such perfect world besides him right?

_It’s too perfect that it hurts._

What would prime Ludger do when he arrived in this dimensions? This dimensions, just as others dimensions is something that he had to destroy. What will he do when he realise that his brother is the catalyst of this dimension? Will he kill him coldly? Or will he hesitated? No matter what happened the end is clear, Julius is going to die in his brother’s hand as a catalyst, he didn’t know if it’s any comfort to him. But it’ll be nice if Ludger hesitated a bit.

By the time he finished his daydream it was already time for lunch. He looked at his pocket watch, it’ll be another two hours till Ludger’s shift ends. It’ll be nice to visit him in his workplace. Julius thinks. And with that he exited the office and walked to the station.

He smiled when he saw Ludger getting appreciated by one of the costumer in the restaurant. Their eyes met and Julius waved at him.

Ludger quickly excused himself and walked toward him, “What happened Julius? What’re you doing here?”

Julius just shrugged, “Figured I’ll get some lunch. You don’t mind me dropping by right?”

“Of course not!” Ludger pulled him into the restaurant and took him to his seat, “hey, you’re not busy right?” he whispered

Julius shook his head

“Do you mind waiting until my shift done? Then we can walk back home together”

“Sure” Julius smiled at him

Ludger’s face brightened immediately, “I’ll get you your favourite” With that he went back to the kitchen and emerge a few minutes later with a spaghetti margarita with extra tomatoes in his hand, people were murmuring in how he get served by the chef himself.

To avoid unnecessary attention, Ludger were whisked away to the kitchen again. Julius can only smiled when Ludger pouted as he walked back to the kitchen. He waited for Ludger to finish his shift.

“Sorry. Did you wait long?”

Julius shook his head and he accepted when Ludger offered his hand. He excused himself to Ludger’s co-worker and exited the restaurant. Ludger smiled happily when one of his co-worker teased him about Julius.

They were just passing the threshold, their door barely close behind them when Ludger pinned Julius to the wall and kissed him with fervour

“Ludger.” Julius groaned broking off the kiss. He tried to talk some sense to his brother when Ludger's kiss attacked his lower jaw instead. Ludger didn’t stopped, he continues to kiss whichever part he managed to reach.

Julius tried to kicked the door closed and once he heard that familiar click from the door locking itself he submit himself to Ludger and let him do all he wants with him.

Ludger kissed him on the lips and Julius could feel Ludger’s tongue prodding into his mouth. He answered and opened his own mouth, their tongues intertwined as the heated kiss continues.

Finally, Ludger broke the kiss, gasping for air and Julius stopped him when he's going for another round. "Slow down Ludger"

Julius waited until a sense of clarity back to Ludger's eyes before he push him off him.

"I thought you wanted this?" Ludger tilted his head grinding against him

Julius groaned as the friction shoot straight to his crotch, “It’s not like I don’t want it but you're being too eager”

Ludger raised his eyebrows, “isn’t that the reason you went to the restaurant today?”

“I went there because I wanted to see you”

Ludger face went blank for a few second before he burst out laughing, "sorry Hahaha.... it's my mistake, I thought that you want it so badly that you came to my workplace"

“What are you talking about Ludger?”

Ludger leaned closer, pressing himself against Julius and purred in his ear, “I thought I have to reminded you about what happened last night"

With a lusty smile his hand took off Julius’ coat and throw it to the floor, his hand sliding all over Julius’ abdomen, feeling the pack of muscles hidden underneath the thin layer of clothes.

Julius breath hitched, he had forgotten about their conversation this morning. He hadn’t expected this dimension’s Ludger to be so…. Bold… It kind of overwhelms him but he accepted it nonetheless_._

_ After all, he can’t do this kind of thing with his Ludger back in prime dimensions right? _

So he might as well indulge himself here in his twisted sick dimension, lusting all over his brother’s body.

Julius put his hand on Ludger’s waist. He could feel Ludger bucked into the touch and he let his hand travel further down to his brother’s buttocks and Ludger let out a purr in response. Their glazed eyes met with each other and finally, _finally _Julius moved in to kiss him.

It was all he ever wanted, it was all he ever needed. To hold him like a lover in his hand. To forget all about the laws and morals and just gave into his instinct to love him.

_This is what he always dream for._

Ludger’s finger intertwined behind his neck, locking their body together as their kiss turned into a sloppy mess. But neither of them care, all they needed was each other. As if two different polar of magnets they grips at each other tightly, afraid to let go. Julius’s hand travelled to his hips and Ludger grind himself against Julius. A pleasure whine escapes his throat as he felt the tightness between Julius’ legs.

“Let’s found someplace comfier…”

Ludger chuckled, “bed it is then” He finally got off Julius, and walk to the bed, shedding his clothes layer by layer. Julius trailed behind him, hand untying his tie.

By the time Julius went inside the bedroom, Ludger had already completely naked, laying on the bed.

Before Julius took off his coat, Ludger motioned him to come closer. “Let me do this for you” he whispered as he took off Julius’ coat and start to unbutton his shirt. Ludger’s hand skilfully undress him and when Julius realised it, he was already in his underwear.

Not letting Ludger does all the work, Julius palmed over Ludger’s erection. His lips busy leaving trail of kisses on Ludger’s neck. Ludger whimpers and Julius smirked when he felt Ludger getting harder beneath him.

His hand stroking over Ludger's erection and Ludger moaned, his back arching as his hips bucks uncontrollably against Julius hand. His breath fastening and heart thumping in his chest

“Julius... Julius...” he chanted deliriously.

Julius licked Ludger's budding nipple and Ludger moaned. Julius hummed as he continue to licked and sucked while his hand pumped vigorously

Ludger was a trembling mess in Julius' hand, pleasure overwhelmed him and turned his mind into a gushy white. With a few firm stroke Ludger jerked, toes curling in as his back arched against Julius. White strings shoots out and landed on the sheet.

“You alright?” Julius pressed another kiss into the crook of Ludger's neck.

Ludger tangled his hand behind Julius' neck and pulled him closer, humming as he cling onto him, “You're back to your sweet self again. Was last night just my imagination?”

Julius chuckled, rubbing his hand along Ludger's spine, I don't want to hurt you, or maybe you want me to?" He teased

Ludger shook his head, "I love this side of you too"

Julius looked around the room, his eyes searching for something. Ludger reached out his hand, “in the... nightstand….”he said, understanding what his brother’s aim.

Julius cheek reddened as he check the nightstand. He took out a bottle of lube, half of it was missing and Julius assumed they used it for yesterday’s event. He poured the lube into his hand and begun to work Ludger open.

“Ahn” Ludger yelped in surprise as Julius’s finger breach the ring of muscle

“Did it hurt?”

Ludger winced a bit. He shook his head, “its cold”

Julius pushed his finger deeper and Ludger tremble under him.

_Did they really do it last night?_

Ludger’s hand gripping his hands and for a moment Julius thought he’d beg to stop. But what drips from Ludger were an encouraging invitation, “Julius… more! More!”

All the doubt disappear from Julius’ mind as he push deeper. Despite of what Ludger claimed, he was quite tight so Julius took extra time to prepare him. By the time Julius’ finger could slip in without intrusion, Ludger’s cock were already dripping.

Ludger’s eyes dazed and tears dripped from his eyes. Julius kissed his eyes and wiped the tears away, “I’m going to put it in”

Ludger nodded, his knuckles gripping tight at the sheet as Julius pushed in.

Julius’ eyes was dark with lust, he clenched his teeth as Ludger’s tight muscles squeeze him. It took Julius all his sanity to stay still and wait for the boy to adapt with his cock.

Ludger’s chest heaving heavily yet despite of that he reached out his hand toward his brother, “Julius… Julius... brother….”

Julius gave an experimental rolls of his hips and Ludger moaned, “Julius! Yes!”

Julius took it as a cue and started to pull in, trying to keep his thrust shallow before going deeper. His hand gripping tight at Ludger’s thigh, he kept it tight enough to not slip from the sweat yet gentle enough to not leave a mark.

“I love you Julius...ahn… Julius!” Ludger’s hand pulling him deeper and deeper, swallowing Julius’ girth bit by bit until Julius completely encased within him.

Julius let out a low growl, “Ludger….” And Ludger’s body shiver in excitement from his voice.

“Julius… Love you… I love you”

“I…” Julius thrust hard and Ludger let out a choked moan, “I love you too”

Tears streamed from Ludger’s eyes and he looked at him like Julius was the only thing matter in the world. His looks enough to sends a pang of yearning in Julius’s heart. Ludger pulled him into a kiss and Julius could feel that the kiss was different, there’s something sweet that Julius couldn’t quite put into the words. It was… pure… just love and yearning and… relief?

“Julius” Ludger hugged him as he call his name over and over again, “Julius”

Both of them lost in the sea of pleasure. Chanting each other’s name, the sounds of skin slapping followed by indecent moans filled the room.

Julius could feel Ludger tightening over him, he’s close. So Julius pick up the pace and start to thrust faster.

And Ludger came hard. His back arching beautifully as he shot his hot load all over Julius’ chest.

Julius groaned, feeling the tightness in his balls, “Ludger, can I …come inside?”

Ludger nodded his head, holding on to Julius like he’s holding on to dear life.

With a few deep thrust Julius stilled, shooting his load inside Ludger. The thick load spurt from Ludger’s gaping hole when Julius pull out.

Ludger’s eyes turned drowsily and he turned toward Julius, immersing himself in his brother’s warmth. Snuggling against his chest. Julius chuckle as he pull him closer, rubbing his hand in Ludger’s back.

It was like a dream come true. Julius couldn’t get his head off it. A soft snore escaped from Ludger and Julius watched as his brother fell into peaceful slumber. Julius kissed his forehead and Ludger’s lips quirked into a soft smile as he mumble something in his sleep

This is all he ever wanted


	2. An Unforgotten Past: Haunting

That night Julius had a dream. _No_-he corrected, it was a nightmare.

_He could see Ludger crying on the dining table, his shoulder slumped heavily and his head hanging low, supported by both of his hand. Occasional sobs echoed through the empty and cold apartment as tears slipped out of his eyes. Laying on the table is the single letter that Julius left for Ludger before they leave for the Land of Canaan._

_His body shiver in guilt as he saw Ludger’s shoulder racked painfully with every heave of his breath. The low whimpers that escaped from his trembling lips even as he bit his lower lips in order to hold the voice back. His tired eyes that clouded with sadness and despair as it continues to produce more tears that beautifully yet cruelly travelled down his pale cheek._

_And everything is Julius’ fault._

_“I can’t do it….” Ludger muttered, “He’s my brother… my family….” His mouth gapes as he searched for the perfect word but he can’t find the perfect word for it. How could they describe their relationship? Family? Brother? None of it is enough to explain the amount of love that Ludger felt toward Julius. Lover? No he can't, even though the love he felt is strong enough for a passionate love, he can't be the lover of his brother._

_No matter how much he wants to, he can't. _

_That's what makes it hurts more._

_A knock on the door and Ludger flinch. The regret in Julius' heart grew when he saw the red eyes in Ludger's face. Ludger get off his seat and walked to the door._

_ Vera was waiting in front if the door with a heavy look in her face. She hesitated a bit before she smiled at Ludger. "Hey Ludger, are you alright? I just passed Jude and the others, they were talking about building a soul bridge without you." Vera looked at him, "you're not fighting right?"_

_And in that moment Ludger ran out of the apartment. Vera yelling his name behind but Ludger didn’t care. He has to stop Jude and the others before he's too late_

And Julius wake up startled. He sat up on the bed with sweat all over his body

_What just happened? _

A soft whimper from his side broke him off his daze. Ludger were whimpering beside him. A soft trails of tears drips from his eyes. He’s having a nightmare. Julius shook his shoulder "Ludger", he didn't stir. Julius shook harder, "Ludger!"

Ludger's eyes shot open, wide from fear. His eyes darted all over the room as he tried to reorganize himself.

"Hey, it's okay. You're having a nightmare" Julius caress his cheek and wipe away the tears from Ludger's eyes.

Ludger looked at him like he’s holding a lifeline. He let out a sobs as he close his eyes, revelling in his brother's touch.

Julius let him scooted closed to him, he rub Ludger's back in a soothing manner and waited until he calm down, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Ludger shook his head frantically, "I already forgot about it" he slipped his hand on Julius' shoulder and pulled him closer. Ludger always feels clingy whenever he had nightmare.

Julius hold him closer and rest his chin on top of Ludger's head, he hummed the hymn of proof and the effect is instant.

Ludger tense back relaxing and his grips on Julius loosened.

"Go back to sleep Ludger" Julius whisper and a moment later Ludger's breath evened out.

Julius stopped humming as he leaned closer to him. Seeing Ludger's tears reminded him of his own nightmare, of things he had done that hurt his Ludger in the primer dimensions

Julius decided he should apologise at least once when his Ludger come to destroy this dimension -him-

For now, he's satisfied as he felt Ludger's warmth on his own.


	3. The Present I've Chosen: Unchageable

This time Ludger was the one who visit Julius in his workplace. It seems like he visit quite often that Nova directed him to his office in seconds. A knock and an answer later, Ludger strolled into the office like he owns it. Julius was out and the office was empty

He sat on Julius' seat leaning on the soft padded vice-CEO chair.

“Ludger!” He flinched when he heard Vera shouted his name and he jumped under the table in reflex.

He really not want to meet with her for a while. Especially not after he lend ten bucks from her a few days ago. Ludger never knew that she could be such a debt-collector. He could hear footsteps and Ludger hold his breath as soon as it passed the office he let out a deep breath in relief. But his relief was cut short when the office door creaked open. Ludger's heart thumping furiously as the steps getting closer.

_‘Please go away Vera’ _he chanted in his mind. He could hear the sounds of chair being dragged away

And He sighed when he saw Julius' familiar sight

Julius almost jumped out of his seat when he caught the little intruder, “Ludger what are you doing there?”

“Hiding from Vera”, Ludger's hand creeps up into his thigh and into his belt

Julius hissed as warning alarm blared in his mind, “Ludger what are you doing?” He repeated, this time more sternly

“Doing something I always want to try.” He licked his lips as he make a quick work of Julius' belt, unzipping his pants and pull down Julius' undergarment

Julius could feel himself blushing. The sight of Ludger stroking his cock under his desk sends him hard immediately.

Ludger kiss the tip of Julius' cock, licking along his lower shaft as his hot breath steamed on its head.

“Lud-” Julius hold his breath, slipping his fingers on Ludger's hair.

Ludger opened his mouth and started to swallow him. He start shallow and works the rest of the member with his finger, stroking along the bulbous veins and revelling in his brother's musky scents. He could feel Julius' grip tighten on his head and he took it as a cue for him to go further. He started to bob his head, sucking and hollowing his mouth, slicking Julius' cock with his saliva.

Julius closed his eyes, holding himself not to take the reins and push Ludger's head all the way down. The pleasure building in his shaft was intensified as Ludger hummed and he could feel the vibration all around Ludger's hot cavity.

Julius is nearing his limit

Then the door creaked opened

And Julius _froze_.

Ludger noticed Julius flinching and stopped.

Nova was peeking from the door, her eyes met with Julius' and she quickly apologized, "Pardon me for not knocking sir, I didn’t realize that you've returned. I was looking for Vera, she was chasing after your brother. Did you see her?"

“No” Julius choke out his answer, heart still thumping hard from the unexpected intrusion. But it looks like she couldn’t see Ludger else she'll probably faint.

“I see”, then she looked around the office and Julius cursed inside his heart, "I send your brother to your office, though it seems like he's not here"

Ludger snorted and with a playful smirk, continues what he was doing. He gave an experimental licks all along Julius' cock and it took no time for him to get him hard again

Julius swore he was this close to scold Ludger. When his brother has become such devil? He tried to hold the shiver in his voice as Ludger started to licked his cock like it was some oversized candy, "I haven’t... see him either"

"I see.... let’s hope he didn’t get lost"

Julius replied with a nod, willing himself not to let out a groan that will make Nova suspicious.

Finally it seems forever until Nova bowed her head and left the room and Julius slumped in his seat feeling all the awareness ebbing away from his body

He grunted as Ludger chuckle under him. Julius gave him a glare, “you little..."

But Ludger just smirk proudly and continues his work. Now that the intrusion has gone, there’s nothing holding Ludger back from pleasing his brother in his own office. Ludger tightened his grips and Julius thigh, holding on while his head bobbing up and down Julius’ member, trying to swallow it to the hilt.

It didn’t take long until Julius let out a choked moans and came inside Ludger's mouth.

Ludger happily took all of it, careful not to let a drip stains the floor.

Julius took a deep breath, "What should I do with you…" he sighed with no real bark, too spent to retort with anything else.

Ludger tuck him back. He pushed Julius' chair back and slip out of the table. He wiped his mouth, smirking lustfully as he lick his lips satisfied

“What are you doing here Ludger?” Julius has grown tired of asking him that

Ludger put a small box covered by a colourful cloth, “you forgot your lunch this morning.”

“Oh” Julius finally look at the time. He has spent hours trying to catch up with everything that happened in this world, "thanks. Did you had lunch yet?"

“I think I had enough don’t you think?” He winked

Julius rolled his eyes, "How about your works?"

"My shift is finished, I figured I would spend the rest of the day with Rollo. Guess what I found in the kitchen table when I got back.”

Julius gave him an apologetic looks as he opened the lunch box. It looks appetizing with the beautifully arranged colours and knowing Ludger, he made sure to put in an extra tomatoes for him. Julius motioned for him to sit beside him. Ludger smiled and pull up a chair beside him, chattering about his day while Julius enjoyed his lunch.

After Julius finished Ludger clean it up and wrapped the box back, “well I better get going now"

“Wait” Julius hold his hands, not wanting for him to leave, "Do you want to spar with me?"

_Really Julius? Of all reason you have to pick up sparring? _He cursed himself

“Sparring?”

“Yeah. Don’t tell me all those time in the kitchen make your skill dull” Julius taunted him, knowing that he’s not one to back down from challenge

Ludger hesitated for a while, “Are you sure? You can find a better sparring friend here in Spirius rather than me.”

“Everyone's out for lunch. Come on, ten minutes?”

“Fine” Ludger sighed exaggeratedly “ten minutes.”

Then they went to the training ground and took out their blades. Their sparring were graceful and beautiful without wasted movement. Blades clashing against each other as they swung and pulled. Artes sparkling all around them.

Ludger's lips pulled into a competitive grin as they clash once again. He leapt to the air and try to catch him off guard. Julius gives him a challenging grin as he evade his attack. Julius couldn’t explain what he is feeling right now. Challenged. Proud. Enthusiastic. It feel like they're back to their boyhood. Not like the last time he clashed his blades against Ludger.

_Tears streamed down Ludger's eyes, "there should be another way" he shouted desperately, trying to block Julius' attack_

_Julius tighten his grip around his blades, “there's no other way. One of us has to pave the way to the Land of Canaan. I offered you my live, so fight already Ludger!" He launched another attack prompting Ludger to strike back_

_But Ludger just block defensively, “there should be another way. Some way we haven't discovered yet. There's no need for any of us to die!"_

_Julius gritted his teeth. If there is such way, wouldn’t people discovered it already? He has spent almost all of his lifetime working with Spirius while searching about land of Canaan. There's no such other way. Ludger is naive, his painfully nice and naive brother._

_He's not suited for this kind of world. _

_Julius activated his chromatus and charged. He winced when he felt the mark in his hand spreading, but he ignored it, he have to pull Ludger out of his naivety. _

_Ludger's face contorted in pain as he also activated his chromatus transformation. _

_And Julius charged_

**Slash**

"-argh!" Julius yelped as he felt Ludger's blades slice his arms and all the bravado shattered right there.

"I’m sorry.” Ludger quickly throw his blades away before running to his brother's side, “Julius you're bleeding"

“It's just a scratch. Are we continuing this or what?” He pointed at the fallen blade

Ludger's brows furrowed angrily, “Of course not! You’re hurt”

“It’s not your fault Ludger, it’s my fault for not paying attention”

“You're not paying attention during battle?” He sounds exasperated “I can’t believe you”

Julius smiled as Ludger took his hand and started to wrap it with a bandage. “You should be happy, that you manage to wound me. Seems like you manage to overpass me after all brother" Julius put on his widest smile, reaching out his hand to shuffle Ludger's white locks when

"Stop it!" Ludger lashed out. Julius' hand hanging on air, "Don't say that I've surpassed you or anything like that..." there's harshness and desperation in his voice that makes Julius retract his hand

There's frustration and a hint of fear in Ludger's eyes and Julius didn't know why. _What would make his brother react so strongly like this? _Ludger's eyes started to glimmer as tears threatened to spill

Julius put his hand on Ludger's back and pull him closer, safely tucking him under his chin, "I’m sorry." He whispered

He could feel Ludger inhale deeply as he calmed himself. After judging he's calm enough he broke the hug and looked at him, "let's just go back to the office okay?"

Ludger nodded and let Julius lead him to the office. As soon as they arrived Ludger pick up the lunch box and went back home.

~***~

Almost a month has passed inside the fractured dimension and Julius wondered why his Ludger hasn’t come and destroyed this dimension yet. He deduce that this dimensions works on a different time plane than the prime one. The answer satisfied his curiosity but he can’t help but become anxious. Julius was afraid that if he live too long in this dimension, then he’ll forget that this dimensions is a fake. He’s afraid to become attached to this world, I mean how can he not be attached to the world where everything is perfect as he wish?

It was only after one heated night that Julius realized the heavy truth

Julius groaned as he woke up in his bed, Ludger’s warmth seeping from his side. He reach out his hand toward the bedside and frowned when he realise his glasses isn’t there. He clicked his tongue in frustration as he reach around blindly.

Ludger stirs beside him, “what’s wrong?” he asked with a sleepy voice.

“My glasses…” Julius said

Ludger hummed as he curled into his blanket again, “You left them at the dining table last night”

Then Julius remember. Last night Ludger and he was having another heated night. They start kissing in the kitchen and Julius took off his glasses when Ludger started to kissing his face.

Julius sighed and kicked the blanket off him, he walked blindly toward the kitchen and retrieve his glasses. He returned to his room and lay back on the bed.

Ludger chuckled beside him and reach out his hand toward Julius’s glasses, “Elle is going to tease you again Glasses guy”

And Julius body tensed up immediately. Denial and disbelief palpable in his face as he looked at Ludger in horror. His throat felt dry all of a sudden, his words got stuck in his throat.

“How…. How did you know about that?”

Ludger’s eyes snapped open and when he looked at Julius’ eyes he know he had messed up, “Julius… I…I-”

“You and Elle never met here. How would you know that she called me that?” Julius’ mind retraced back to the time when he met with Victor and Elle. He made sure to know as much as he can in order to adapt to this world. And he was very sure that Ludger and Elle have never met. _So how does he know?_

“It was just a slip of the tongue”

“Ludger” Julius’ commanding voice made Ludger flinch, “How would you know about that nickname?”

How would you know something that didn’t happened in this world? He couldn’t have known Elle’s nickname for him in the prime world

_Unless_

“It can’t be….” Julius muttered in disbelief, he stared at Ludger, trying to find any hint of denial or confusion, or… or anything! But Ludger only cast his gaze down, guilt written all over his face.

“You…” Julius couldn’t breathe. It was too much, everything he believed the truth was in reality, a lie.

This Ludger couldn’t have known things from the Prime dimension, the only one who knows about it are the ones who came from the Prime dimension themselves…. If this Ludger knows about Elle’s nickname for him in the Prime dimension then that only means one thing…

“Are you Ludger from the prime dimension?”

Ludger didn’t answer and Julius took the silence as a yes.

Disappointment, shame, guilt, anticipation, fear.

“Since when?” He should’ve known when this Ludger and his Ludger switched. He should’ve realised, judging by his Ludger’s naked state, does it mean that the one he have sex with last night was actually his brother? Julius felt sick, what would Ludger thinks? Was he disappointed? Was he disgusted to have a sick brother lusting after his body?

There’s an indescribable expression in Ludger’s face as he answered, “since the beginning…”

_The beginning… when was the beginning? When does it start?_

Julius’ voice strained, “so you’ve been in my world… without me knowing?”

Ludger’s shook his head, “you’re wrong Julius. I was here… since the beginning” he repeated

_What does he mean by that? What did he mean by being here since the beginning?_

Julius’ mind easily gave him one logical explanation but no matter what his heart couldn’t accept it. He didn’t what to accept it, no matter how logical that explanation would be.

_If Ludger was here since the beginning then that means…_

Ludger spoke up, “This isn’t your fractured world Julius. It’s mine.”

And in that moment Julius could feel his heart shattered.

It was Ludger’s dimension. It was never his… Ludger and he being lover, their perfect world, the chromatus nonexistence. It was all never his wish.

“But that’s impossible. I mean… No one can created a perfect world like this except me”

“That just means that we both wished for the same thing”

Julius choked on his words, all this time. _He thought he was the divergence catalyst. He thought this was his fractured dimension._

But it was Ludger’s all along.

“Does that mean-” He stuttered, at loss for words, “Are you my Ludger?”

“I’m yours Julius, I always have been”

In that moment tears broke through Julius’ eyes and he ran to embrace his brother.

He was Ludger, his Ludger. He always have been. All these times, all those loves and confession. Prime or fractured dimensions, Ludger always loves him like how he loves him.

Ludger also broke when Julius’ warmth seeps into his beings. The warm desperate hug feels suffocating and all the dam that welled up in his eyes finally broke.

“So what’s going to happen now?”

“Nothing will happened. We’ll forget everything that has happened and continue our lives here”

“But we can’t turn a blind eyes to what’s happening in the prime dimension Ludger. Bisley is going to use Elle to defeat Chronos.”

“So does that means it’s okay for you to sacrifice yourself?”

“I’m not-“Julius stuttered, “Ludger you don’t see the point. One of us has to pave the way to Land of Canaan”

“So why does it have to be you?”

“Because I can’t kill you Ludger.” Julius shouted, his hand gripping tight at his brother’s body, “I want you to live happily and create your own perfect world”

“So you think I’d be able to kill you?” deep sorrow laced each of every word. Ludger shook his head in Julius’ arms, “I can’t Julius… I can’t do it…” he sobs against his brother’s shoulder, “It won’t be perfect without you”

Julius took a deep breath, “First we have to escape from this dimension.”

“To escape from a fractured dimensions you have to annihilate the divergence catalyst that formed the dimension” Ludger finish his sentences. His eyes filled with sadness as he look at Julius, “You understand what that means right?”

Julius looked at his hand, he could imagine the black mark that tainted his hand as he progress into a catalyst. But in this world he had no such mark. Because in this world Ludger wish for his mark to disappear. That explains the disappearance of his mark, in this world he was never the catalyst.

If this world’s was Ludger… then that mean the catalyst was….

_“Because sometimes people only sees what they wanted to see.”_

Victor’s words resounded in his mind. He wasn’t talking about Julius’ mark, he was talking about someone else’ entirely. Julius didn’t have his mark because Ludger wished for it, but Julius- he couldn’t see what’s obvious because he didn’t want to see it.

His hand reached up toward Ludger’s black locks and he swipe it off. Ludger resign himself and don’t shy away from the touch even when Julius let out a loud gasp

The thing that Julius didn’t want to see was the black mark that started to trail into Ludger’s right side of his face.

Julius knows that mark, a sign of one’s corruption to become a catalyst. Julius caressed his cheek as anxiety and guilt eat away at him, “Oh Ludger, what have you done…?”

Ludger could only smile weakly, “It seems like Elle and I was connected stronger than I thought.” He leaned into his brother’s touch, “I can feel it every time Bisley use her power. It hurts so much I thought I was going to die. “He whimpered, “I can’t imagine how you must’ve felt, holding into these pain alone”

Julius examined his mark, Ludger’s mark has progressed far more badly than his. Whatever Bisley doing to Elle is enough to push Ludger to become a catalyst for this world.

“We have to stop Bisley” we have to stop him from abusing Elle’s power, we have to stop him from hurting you

Ludger nodded, “but you know what that imply right?”

To stop Bisley that means he have to escape from this fractured dimension and the only way to escape from a fractured dimensions is to destroy the divergence catalyst that formed the whole world.

Which mean Ludger, since this dimension was his

“You won’t give up even when I told you so right?”

“I know you have killed a lot of innocent people when you destroyed the fractured dimensions.”

“I want you to see me as a divergence catalyst, not as your lover, not as your brother, but as a catalyst” His voice shaky as he held his hand up in a resigning pose, “it should make it easier for you right?”

Ludger is Ludger, his brother, his lover. How could he ever see him as something as hideous as a divergence catalyst.

Julius shook his head, tears flowing freely from his eyes, “Don’t say that Ludger”

“Then will you stay?”

Julius shook his head again. _How? How could he choose between his brother and the world? This is too heavy for him to burden._

_This is karma, _some part deep inside him reminded. He forced this option on Ludger’s hand and now he’s facing the same choice. Ludger, or the world?

“I’m sorry Ludger, I’m sorry”

Ludger shook his head, “I already know what you’ll choose. You’re loyal to your conviction Julius. After all, that’s what I loves about you”

He reach out his hand -_a reaper’s hand_\- and Ludger accepts it. He let Julius pull him closer and embraced him tight. Only then he could feel Julius’ hand rubbing circles across his trembling back. And so Julius started to hum the Hymn of Proof.

Ludger’s trembling recedes even if it’s only for a little bit. His hands cling at Julius’ back, tightly gripping at his shirt desperately as he buried himself deeper into Julius.

Julius caressed Ludger’s head as he continues to hum. His hand slid down Ludger’s back and went to his weapon sheathe, taking out his blades. He heard Ludger started to snivels and he shushed him softly. He stroke his back and he could feel tears dripping down his cheeks. He pointed the sharp edge of his blade onto Ludger’s back and hummed a bit louder

_God, if Chronos made this to test the human, they why it have to be so cruel?_

“Julius?”

“Hmm?”

“Take care of Elle for me”

“I will.” He choked on his tears, “I love you so much Ludger”

And so he push the blade in

Ludger’s finger scratching painfully at him, his nail digging into his skin in last defensive stance as Ludger’s body started to tremble, but it’s a different kind of tremble. He… spasm…as he hang onto the last thread of live.

Julius hold him tighter, feeling the warmth slowly leaving his body. Ludger’s let out a painful choked sounds and Julius didn’t dare to look at Ludger right now. How could he? How could someone look at their lover dying face? He clenched his eyes shut as he continued the Hymn of Proof with his shaky voice.

He could feel Ludger’s fingers loosened up and he could feel his heart drowned in hellish pain as he felt Ludger’s hand slip off his back, falling limply to his side. He tried to hold back the sobs as Ludger’s knees started to fail him and Julius tightened his grip as he felt Ludger’s weight on him. He slid down to the floor, a piece of his heart ripped out as Ludger’s body fell along without resistance. Ludger’s shoulder has stopped moving and his sobs has completely stopped.

It felt like eternity until Ludger’s body stilled

It felt like hell as the dimension shattered and he was thrown back to the reality. They’re back at the pier. No-scratch that, he’s back to the prime dimension alone. Ludger’s body was gone, he was left with the hollow remnant of his brother.

“What happened?” A foreign yet familiar sounds brought him back to reality.

“Right there. When they were about to clash, Ludger… he…” Leia’s words stuck on her throat.

Jude looked disbelief, “He cancelled his chromatus transformation”

Alvin cursed, “That idiot”

A high-pitched sobs, “Why… why did this have to happen?”

“Wipe your tears Elize” Rowen stood in front of her

Then they could see the bridge transforming over toward Canaan and Julius wanted to scream. He wanted to shouted and cursed. But he couldn’t as, he could only watched in silence as the bridge that was formed by his brother’s soul reached the sky.

He could feel someone’s shadow looming over him, “Julius” Mila’s voice stern and full of emotion, “what happened?”

“He…” Julius swallowed hard, “Ludger… he never intended to kill me”

_He wanted to stay with me_

Gaius’ eyes were somehow filled with what looked like a betrayal, “So that’s his choice” his voice solemn, “You understand what happened next right?”

Julius nodded, and pick up his bloodied blade, “I’ll come with you to the Land of Canaan”

~***~

The hardest part was when Elle noticed the lack of member on their groups, “Where’s Ludger?” her voice tired and she seems like she could pass out anytime soon. Her mark similar to Ludger’s, seems like these two were more connected than Julius expected.

“Glasses Guy? What are you doing here? Where is Ludger?”

Julius throw his face away. How could he explain this to Elle? How could he tell her that Ludger sacrificed his life so they could save him? Just… How?

Elle was sharper than the kids on her age. Her eyes widen in disbelief and despair and she shook her head desperately, “no…. no…. no….”

Despite of his dismay, Bisley was the one who break the news, “So you use your brother’s life to come here huh?” Bisley laugh at the irony of the situation, “and after this little missy here offered her cooperation in exchange for his life. What a Tragedy!”

And Elle screamed so painfully, desperately a soul-wrenching screams that seemed to squeeze every hearts that hear it. More painful than the transformation she’s in. This one is woundless, bloodless, yet it hurts more than a bleeding wounds. Her screams similar to Julius’ tears if not more painful. To lost his daddy twice, in different worlds and it was all too much for Elle

It was too much for both of them.

~***~

“So what will you chose?” Origin asked for his wish.

Steeling himself, Julius step in front of Elle, “I want you to eliminate the fractured dimensions”

The little girl cast her head down, inspecting the corruption on her hand. Trying her hardest to accept her fate. She will gone and no one can replace her. Elle will disappear and this world’s Elle will never came to existence. Because Ludger -daddy- is dead. She tried hard to hold her tears. It all didn’t feel real yet. It was like she’s standing one door away from the truth. She know that she has to move on and accept the truth. But she was afraid, afraid to open the door to the truth. She was afraid to accept the reality where Ludger is gone.

Origin glanced at Elle, “You do not wish for her safety?”

Julius shook his head, “I wish for you to eliminate the fractured dimensions” he made up his mind and glance at the girl. Elle looked up and their eyes met, the girl quickly cast her head downs again, but Julius just smiled and kneeled by her side, “About Elle, I’ll save her. Ludger entrusted her to me”

“How would you do that?”

Julius took off his gloves and he could hear the group gasped as they saw the black marks on his hand. It has spread further when he used his chromatus to fight with Bisley. It won’t take long for him to transform”

“So you decided to become the catalyst before him?”

“Now that Ludger’s gone, her corruption won’t progress any further.” Julius activated his chromatus, “By becoming a catalyst before her, I could cancel all of her transformation”

“But you’ll die Julius” Rowen’s usually dignified voice falter by his concern.

Julius let out a weak chuckle as he smiled, “I’m a dead man anyway”

“Are you okay with this?”

Julius tried to put up a smile, “This is my choice” he grunted in pain as the blackness in his arms spreads, “beside. Ludger… that boy…”

His lips quirked up into a fond smile

“He get lonely quite easily”


End file.
